I have been in a dark place for a while; nearly 6 months, to be exact.
And I've not been able to figure it out.
Years ago I heard a sermon by the late evangelist Albert Barr, about how he went into depression and began to feel so badly that he questioned if he was even a Christian! Ultimately, he ended up in the hospital and they found he had been hemorrhaging inside and once he was given blood, his head cleared, his spirits lifted, and all was right with the world.
Over the past 6 months, I've tried all sorts of things; doctor visits, antibiotics for infections I was dealing with, counseling, prayer and anointed with oil.
I've cried out to God.
I've talked to friends.
I've read Scripture.
I've cut out sugar and carbs, increased vegetable intake.
And I continued to feel bad.
I've lived in a fog.
I've retreated from fellowship and friends.
I've pushed my husband away.
I quit going to the gym.
I gave up on diets because I was ALWAYS hungry.
I craved sugar like a crack fiend!
Eating candy bars and chocolate like my life depended on it.
I couldn't figure out what was going on.
The scales tipped at 270 pounds last week!
So I called a friend who is an herbalist, and she finally was able to see me.
I poured out my symptoms to her, telling her I was certain I was crazy. Couldn't go to sleep at night; couldn't wake up in the mornings and had to take a nap to make it through the day.
She assured me that I was NOT crazy.
She did some testing and found that I have a parasite...at least one. That's why I've been hungry! Also found my adrenals were completely depleted. So, I'm tired!
I've got a leaky gut, and have wiped out my good bacteria and am overgrown with bad.
I'm not making serotonin, so my emotions/hormones have been all over the spectrum!
I began taking the things she recommended, drinking a tea that she made for me, increasing my vitamin B intake along with some other things, and from Wednesday to Sunday I could NOT believe the difference!
I mean it was like I was experiencing my first sunny day in 6 months.
Someone in the congregation at church even commented that I looked like a burden or a cloud had been lifted off of me. And that's exactly what I felt like.
During the worship/singing portion of service, I was able to truly worship and lift my hands and really feel the Lord's presence for the first time in so long!!!
And the more I'm taking the prescribed vitamins/herbs, the better I'm feeling, and the more I can see clearly to walk this thing out.
My appetite is back under control.
I'm still tired, but I know that's going to get better.
I even mentioned to my husband yesterday that I think I'm ready to start going back to the gym!
Life is looking better, and it's because I'm feeling better, physically.
The enemy most definitely wanted me to believe it was all spiritual. His lies were intense during this past 6 months. He even had me wishing I had never gone on my mission trip!! Which is INSANE!
He uses whatever he can to attack us, and when we're at our weakest, most vulnerable, he swoops in and kicks us when we're down!
But I'm so thankful for God being right there through it all with me.
He never left me.
He directed me to my dear friend so that she could find the problem and give me some help.
He gave me a faithful husband who didn't abandon me when I got angry and clammed up and pushed him out.
My friends were faithful to remain my friends when I was at my worst.
And I'm so grateful to be on the mend!