3 Minutes

Hidden deep within me is a runner, just dying to get out.

Does that surprise you?  It surprises me, too.

Normally, I hate to sweat.  That's one reason that exercising has been so hard for me.  I despise getting dressed, going to work out, sweating, coming home and have to shower and get dressed all over again.

But a few years ago, my friend Sandra introduced me to the Couch 2 5K program that gets you from sedentary to running 3.1 miles in just 9 weeks.  I was leery at first, but with her encouragement, I participated in the program, and actually ran (well, if you could call it that) my first, and only, 5K.

However, time and circumstances changed and I quit running, and I have missed it.

Every time I see someone running on my road, or running at the park, something stirs within my heart and whispers, "That could be me!"

And yesterday at the gym, while walking on the treadmill, I thought, "Why not just bump up the speed and see if you can still do it?  Just try it for one minute, just ONE minute." 

So I did.  And I ran that one minute.  And then slowed down and rested.  And then ran another minute.  And then another.

3 whole minutes of running.

I was almost in tears.  I was out of breath, but I was also in heaven!

It might not sound like much to someone that runs marathons, but you know what?  Everyone has to start somewhere, and I started yesterday.

One minute at a time.  Not one MILE at a time.

This journey is basically coming down to just that, one minute at a time.  I'm beginning to look at my whole life in that way.  Not what can I accomplish in a month or a year from now, but what can I do in the next minute?  After all, our whole lives are made up of moments, right? 

The Bible study that I'm currently leading is called "The Best Yes," by Lysa TerKeurst, and in this session we just covered she says, "Time is an anchor for the world." 

I've been thinking about time, how much do I waste, how wisely do I spend what I've been given?  And what am I going to do with this next minute in front of me?

Today, I'm choosing to celebrate those 3 minutes of time that God helped me awaken that desire deep within, that hidden dream to run free like the wind.  And to carve out more of those moments to accomplish the dream of running in a race. 

And it will happen, one minute at a time.

So many diets, so little time...

I have been in a total BRAIN FOG for the first part of this week, but after sitting down with the R.N. in charge of the weight loss division of my doctors office, I feel the fog lifting.  What caused the fog?  Trying to figure out which "diet" is best!

I had help with cleaning out my pantry and spice cabinet from a wonderful friend who does a strict Paleo lifestyle.  I've researched it and looked through countless websites and Pinterest sites. 

And then I got calls and comments from friends doing Trim Healthy Mama...which I'd never even heard of.  And so I started looking at those sites and recipes.

And there are still people out there doing South Beach, which I do own a copy of.

And Atkins.

And gluten-free.

And vegetarian.

And I went to the library and there are seriously 12, yes TWELVE shelves on 2 rows of the library that contain diet books, all DIFFERENT, of how you should eat to lose weight.

I came to the point of wanting to pull my hair out and scream, "STOP THE INSANITY" which would harken back to the early 90's and the days of Susan Powter! :)  Which tells you how old I am.

So, I decided to wait until I went back to the doctor, which was yesterday afternoon.  And I'm so glad I did.  Because the nurse handed me a paper that she had hand-written and this is what it said,

"Ask for God's guidance in ordering your steps and helping you "prune" your life."

And then she included these points:

1. What do you value?

2. List ALL your activities in a journal.

3. Look at each activity:
   - can it be deleted?
   - is it necessary?
   - can it be delegated?
   - does it involve pride, people pleasing, etc?

4. Remember life is seasonal

5. Practice saying "No;" don't make quick agreements to take on tasks; give yourself space to think about them FIRST and ask God about them

6. Your body needs time to heal!

Isn't that awesome?

We then spent the next little bit of time talking about my pantry and how to get it restocked with healthy things.  And how many carbs and protein grams I need to have per day.  And exercise.  And it was all tailored to MY needs.  Which made me walk away with such a burden off of my shoulders.

I think that too many times, as a woman, I try to compare myself to others and say that, "Well, if it's working for them, why isn't it working for me?"  But this feels very different.  My body isn't necessarily like someone else's, and what works for one person may not be the best thing for me.

So today I have so much more peace in my heart, a plan in my hand, and a small goal of 9 pounds in my head to shoot for.

And so, the journey begins...

As my blog title indicates, I am a recovering dieter!  I think I could actually call myself a "professional" dieter, so many diets have I tried!  I mean, seriously, you name it, I've tried it.  Everything from the one where you eat 5 saltines, hot dogs, half a grapefruit, and ice cream...all the way to Phen-Fen, and everything (but gastric bypass) in between.

So why post about this?  Why now?  Because on Thursday, October 23rd, I received bad news from the doctor about my blood work.  Inflammation around my heart, elevated cholesterol, pre-diabetes, overworking kidneys, and on and on...yes, it scared the living daylights out of me.

Have I never been concerned about my health before?  Yes.  But for some reason, I've not been concerned ENOUGH.  Until now.

My husband, God love him, has been on me for 20 years to take care of myself.  Why didn't I listen?  I don't know.  Why do women turn a deaf ear to their husbands?  If you can answer that, you could probably make a million!

So, if you're still reading this, you will just have to know that this blog is going to be a DEAD HONEST blog about my inner heart struggle in this process.  If that's not something you're going to be interested in, well this is your chance to click that little "x" and close this window! :)  But, if you're like so many other women I know who have this love/hate relationship with food and are also struggling to win the battle over it, then WELCOME!  And please stay and comment and let me know you're out there, cheering me along, and coming on this journey to health with me!

I am going to using this "platform" to talk about the honest truth of what this means for me. 

Starting with this:
 my being overweight is a result of my SIN! 

"What did she just say?  Being overweight is a sin?" 

Well, not exactly, but for ME it is!  So many of the pounds I've put on are because of gluttony, because of idolatry, because of rebellion...which are all what?  SIN! 

So, how does food become an idol?  When it's the first thing I turn to when I need comfort, when I need a place to go because I'm stressed, when I'm sad, or lonely, or depressed...I went to the pantry when I should've been going to pick up  my Bible, or hitting my knees in prayer to God! 

What about rebellion?  Oh, yeah, that's a BIG one for me.  It goes like this, "Hey, you shouldn't eat that."  What?  I'm a grown woman, you can't tell me what to do!  I want it!  I deserve it!  I'm going to eat it and there's nothing you can do to stop me!!!

Sound familiar?  Or am I the only one that still acts like a stupid 14 year old girl?

Gluttony?  Oh, you know...you've had way more than enough to eat, but wait, there's still dessert.  Or there's more rolls, and they're SO GOOD, and you might not get another one until, oh, I don't know...TOMORROW?!  And then 20 minutes, and 4 rolls and 3 cookies later, you're in the bathroom with cramps thinking, "Why did I do this to myself?"  Absolutely NO CONTROL!

And so, enter the fine folks at my local medical establishment looking at me across the desk as they break the news to me that at age 45, I'm on the path to heart attack/stroke/diabetes/kidney failure, and suddenly all those "choices" I made come flashing before me like a bad 80's movie!

When did food become such an addiction?  When did I let it get so out of hand?  And why in the world did I think I could ever control this without God's help?

And so, very much like a drug addiction, I find myself having withdrawals from sugar and carbs, literally almost in TEARS because I want chocolate or donuts or McDonald's French fries!  Like those people that I've watched on T.V. go through what they call D.T.'s from alcohol or drugs, shaking, sick, headaches...yep, that's me this week!!! 

It's as if blinders have been taken off my eyes, and I'm finally seeing what a wretched person I've been over the last 20 years; how much I've abused my body.  And so I thank God for this.  Really, I do.  It has been His kindness to me to allow this "wake up call" to happen right now, while all the problems can be reversed and turned around to head in a healthier direction.

And today, I find myself going to His word while I eat my healthy breakfast; feasting on HIM and what He can provide, rather than mindlessly eating my way through the day.  And it's just the first steps of many new places that I'm certain He's going to take me on.

So, are you still with me?  I hope so!  I'm looking forward to walking this journey with friends, showing you the "real" me!  Thanks for the encouragement!