Sunday, January 31, 2016

A Picture is worth....

While scrolling through my Facebook news feed today, this picture popped up from a friend in Washington and it started me down memory lane.
 
 Do you know what this is?  Let me tell you.
It's a Ding-Dong, wrapped in aluminum foil like they used to make them in the 70's.

This is where my food addiction all started.  

When I was 6 years old, I used to walk home from school, go into the house, and run to the kitchen to grab the box of these and the chips, and go into the living room to watch the 
"After School Special."  Every day.  
These yummy chocolate goodies were my faithful friend!  I knew they would be there for me each day, just waiting to make me happy.  
And so food became my friend, my companion, my comfort.

I am still sorting through some of my father's things, and there are lots of photo albums.  While flipping through them, I came across this photo...
and instantly I was transported to a very painful time and place.  Shame started to engulf me, I wanted to cry, but what I really wanted to do was to go back in time and reach out to my 15 year old self and just hug her.

This Christmas day was so painful; it was the day that my Dad announced at the big family dinner table that I was fat, and that he was tired of buying bigger and bigger clothes for me.  
It was embarrassing and hurtful, but also so devastating to know that I was a source of disappointment and shame for my family.  

My reaction wasn't good...I became angry!  And I attacked my weight out of that anger, and lost 50 lbs that next year.  
But I didn't do it with the right motivations, or for the right reasons.  

And I never loved "that" girl again.  

I really began believing the lies that were ushered in on that Christmas Day.  The thoughts that "outward appearance is paramount," that you must protect yourself from people, the thought that "I" am a disappointment, not good enough...oh, if only I could go back to this girl and speak to her with kindness.  How many decades of hurting, pain, brokenness could have been avoided?

And so, tonight, I'm headed to bed with some pretty tender feelings going on, some deep emotions that I haven't thought about for a while, but I'm so thankful that I can apply the TRUTH of God's Word to these painful places...to know that I am enough.  I am loved.  I am accepted.  

I'm singing a song from my childhood years:
Jesus loves me, this I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little (and BIG) ones to Him belong,
They are weak BUT
He is strong!


Saturday, January 30, 2016

"31"


Not the storage bag party company...no, not "that" thirty-one.

It's been THIRTY-ONE days since I've had fast food!  Honestly, if you had told me a month ago that I could do it, I would have said, "There's NO way!  NONE!"

I've struggled with food/secret eating/being overweight since I was 6 years old.  That's 40 YEARS!

But God.

It is Him alone that has gotten me through this past month.  I have merely tried to be obedient, tried to be quiet so I can hear Him, and really taken my hands off of this whole thing and allowed Him control.  Which is HUGE!!!

You can learn a lot in 31 days.  Here are a few things I've learned:

1. The scale is not always your friend.  It will lie and it will withhold evidence of great things you've been doing.  Keep doing them anyway.  More battles are being one than can be measured here.

2. Listen to your family.  My husband tells me some of the very same things that the 'professionals' are telling me, but for some stupid reason, I always tend to blow him off and yet take the doctors seriously.  So, I'm learning to listen to this man God has given to me. :)

3. Be Prepared.  Like a Boy Scout!  Every time!  Seriously, just plan ahead, even if you just think you're only going to run ONE ERRAND.  Still, think ahead and imagine "what if..."  Just do it!  It has saved me so many times in the last month to stash almonds in my car, (Thanks, Kate!) to have extra water with me, and to eat before I leave the house.  Fruit, nuts, protein bars, protein powder, having those things in the car or my purse are LIFE SAVING when it comes to making good choices.

4. Feast on God's Word!  This.  I cannot say enough about this.  It is becoming my FOOD, what I need more than anything to make it through the day.  I'm digging deep into Romans, and my goodness, it's so rich, like the best chocolate cake!!!  I'm trying to dig up old buried passages that I committed to memory as a child (thanks, Mom and Dad for sending me to Christian schools that "made" us memorize scripture), and freshen it to have on hand when the enemy attacks.

5. Move!  Yes, exercise.  If you have read my blog, you will remember that I do not enjoy sweating!  But I had made a commitment to exercise 4 times a week, and I've been able to do that, thanks to the help of my husband (he's paying the membership AND going with me), my oldest son, who is writing out workouts for me, my youngest son who is tagging along and getting fit, and my precious friend Kathy, who is my faithful 6:30 a.m. workout partner!  We beat each other up, sweat like mad women, talk all sorts of trash, and love every minute of it!!!

There are many, many more things that I have learned, but those are my top 5 for now.  

I would encourage anyone who reads this blog to do 3 things:

Ask God for help, if you're struggling with food/addictions.  He DOES care about this area of your life.
Seek out friends or family that you can trust to help hold you accountable, to work out with you, to give you support.
Start today.  Don't do what I did and think, "Well, let's wait until Monday, or let's wait til the 1st of the month."  Start now.  With the next meal!  You're worth it!!!

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Do You Believe?

Since I last posted, MANY amazing things have taken place.  Where do I start?
First, my last fast food meal was on December 30th at Taco Bell, so if you do the math, I'm 14 days "fast-food-free!"  
That may not sound like much to you, but for me?!  That's a MIRACLE.
Which leads me to the next great thing...
On Sunday, January 3rd, during our communion time at church, I felt led of the Lord to ask a friend to pray for me for healing of this addiction.  She, too, has struggled with eating disorders, and she very graciously prayed over me and we believed together that God could do a miracle in my life.
I specifically asked God to "take away the desire, the very CRAVING for this food.  Please, be my food, my drink, my bread!"  Those were my words.  And guess what?  
HE. DID. IT.
I'm serious.  It has been miraculous.  I have not had one single craving for McDonald's.  It is amazing that I do not even SEE the restaurants as I'm driving around my area.  
Usually before I would see the "golden arches" and immediately my mouth would start watering, my stomach start growling, I could taste the salt...it was insane how just SEEING something would get me started.  But since that Sunday morning, all that is gone!
Sometimes, divine healing looks like a person with cancer being declared cancer-free, or a deaf person being able to hear, or sight being restored, all after being prayed for and anointed with oil.
But sometimes it looks like the chains of bondage from addictions being broken, and a person being able to walk away from stuffing food in their face!  
It looks like a woman being able to remain SANE when she goes shopping alone. 
It is manifested in a person being able to be completely honest with her husband about how much money was spent and what it was spent on.
It means no hidden food wrappers.
Or guilt.
No shame.
And all of that comes from praying and BELIEVING that God can heal!