A Picture is worth....

While scrolling through my Facebook news feed today, this picture popped up from a friend in Washington and it started me down memory lane.

 

 Do you know what this is?  Let me tell you.

It's a Ding-Dong, wrapped in aluminum foil like they used to make them in the 70's.

This is where my food addiction all started.  

When I was 6 years old, I used to walk home from school, go into the house, and run to the kitchen to grab the box of these and the chips, and go into the living room to watch the 

"After School Special."  Every day.  

These yummy chocolate goodies were my faithful friend!  I knew they would be there for me each day, just waiting to make me happy.  

And so food became my friend, my companion, my comfort.

I am still sorting through some of my father's things, and there are lots of photo albums.  While flipping through them, I came across this photo...

and instantly I was transported to a very painful time and place.  Shame started to engulf me, I wanted to cry, but what I really wanted to do was to go back in time and reach out to my 15 year old self and just hug her.

This Christmas day was so painful; it was the day that my Dad announced at the big family dinner table that I was fat, and that he was tired of buying bigger and bigger clothes for me.  

It was embarrassing and hurtful, but also so devastating to know that I was a source of disappointment and shame for my family.  

My reaction wasn't good...I became angry!  And I attacked my weight out of that anger, and lost 50 lbs that next year.  

But I didn't do it with the right motivations, or for the right reasons.  

And I never loved "that" girl again.  

I really began believing the lies that were ushered in on that Christmas Day.  The thoughts that "outward appearance is paramount," that you must protect yourself from people, the thought that "I" am a disappointment, not good enough...oh, if only I could go back to this girl and speak to her with kindness.  How many decades of hurting, pain, brokenness could have been avoided?

And so, tonight, I'm headed to bed with some pretty tender feelings going on, some deep emotions that I haven't thought about for a while, but I'm so thankful that I can apply the TRUTH of God's Word to these painful places...to know that I am enough.  I am loved.  I am accepted.  

I'm singing a song from my childhood years:

Jesus loves me, this I know,

For the Bible tells me so.

Little (and BIG) ones to Him belong,

They are weak BUT

He is strong!