The First 90 Days

Today is finally here...day 90 that I have managed to not step foot inside a McDonald's or Taco Bell.  I'm overwhelmed by the goodness and the grace of almighty God for keeping me!

I did want to clarify that this journey has not meant that I've not eaten out at all.  I HAVE eaten at Subway a few times, and at a local place here called Cook Out where I like to take my low carb pita and place the hamburger and toppings inside that.  I've also been to Chick-Fil-A and absolutely LOVE their Super Food Salad with grilled nuggets on it.

So, I do not feel that I've been deprived at all.  Making good choices is exactly that...a CHOICE.  There are certain places where I feel like I can eat as healthy there as I can at home.  There are other places that I just know I should totally stay away from!  Like Pizza Hut.  Man, how I dearly love pizza.  But I can never stop at just one slice, so it's just not good for me to go into that place.

Over the last 90 days, I've been able to consistently work out, and have an amazing partner that is right there with me, 3 days a week, at 6:30 in the morning, cheering me on, or yelling, or whatever it takes to get me motivated!!!  And my boys, Justin (who writes out all our workouts) and Clayton, and my husband are my biggest fans.  They are faithfully at the gym every single time with me!  What more can you ask than for the entire family to be working out together?!  I mean, seriously, how often does that happen?  And yet that's my reality.

But the weight loss has been slow.  Very slow.  And I've been discouraged and wanted to quit.  Lots of days I just really think, "This is useless, stupid, not worth it!"

And I was feeling like that over the weekend, when the scales said that I'd stayed the same.  Again.  But then I walked past my fridge and caught a glimpse of a photo that I have on there from 10 years ago.  Back before I really cared.  Before my heart was interested in giving this struggle to the Lord.  Really before I even knew how deep this sin went in my life.  And I posted the photo as a "throwback Thursday" thing on my Facebook page.

Then a friend suggested that I take a current photo and place them together.  So I had a friend snap a picture on Easter Sunday, and I put them together on Instagram...

So, if a picture is worth 1,000 words, then THESE 2 pictures represent at LEAST 2,000 things that I've said out loud or whispered to myself.

Every single day I struggle with being tired of fighting this battle!  When I wake up in the morning, the first thing that I have to think about is what I'm going to eat.  As someone who is addicted to food, that is almost more than I can bear!

Food.

Constant thoughts about food.

Make menus.

Shop.

Prepare.

Put away.

Choices.

Recipes.

Budget.

Breakfast.

Snack.

Lunch.

Snack.

Dinner.

It's a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute "thorn in the flesh" that becomes overwhelming in a HURRY.

There is no "spur of the moment" allowance to a friend's request of "let's have lunch."  You have to plan and prep and be strategic in every single detail.

And it gets exhausting.

But seeing these photos side by side has renewed my commitment to stay the course.

Ten YEARS is a long time to be battling something, anything.  But I have to remember how far God has brought me.  Lots of tears.  Lots of push ups and squats.  Lots of failures.  Lots of accomplishments.  A lot of learning!

So, here's to day 90 of a countless number of many more days to come.

God is Good.

All the time.

Do You Believe?

Since I last posted, MANY amazing things have taken place.  Where do I start?

First, my last fast food meal was on December 30th at Taco Bell, so if you do the math, I'm 14 days "fast-food-free!"  

That may not sound like much to you, but for me?!  That's a MIRACLE.

Which leads me to the next great thing...

On Sunday, January 3rd, during our communion time at church, I felt led of the Lord to ask a friend to pray for me for healing of this addiction.  She, too, has struggled with eating disorders, and she very graciously prayed over me and we believed together that God could do a miracle in my life.

I specifically asked God to "take away the desire, the very CRAVING for this food.  Please, be my food, my drink, my bread!"  Those were my words.  And guess what?  

HE. DID. IT.

I'm serious.  It has been miraculous.  I have not had one single craving for McDonald's.  It is amazing that I do not even SEE the restaurants as I'm driving around my area.  

Usually before I would see the "golden arches" and immediately my mouth would start watering, my stomach start growling, I could taste the salt...it was insane how just SEEING something would get me started.  But since that Sunday morning, all that is gone!

Sometimes, divine healing looks like a person with cancer being declared cancer-free, or a deaf person being able to hear, or sight being restored, all after being prayed for and anointed with oil.

But sometimes it looks like the chains of bondage from addictions being broken, and a person being able to walk away from stuffing food in their face!  

It looks like a woman being able to remain SANE when she goes shopping alone. 

It is manifested in a person being able to be completely honest with her husband about how much money was spent and what it was spent on.

It means no hidden food wrappers.

Or guilt.

No shame.

And all of that comes from praying and BELIEVING that God can heal!