And so, the journey begins...

As my blog title indicates, I am a recovering dieter!  I think I could actually call myself a "professional" dieter, so many diets have I tried!  I mean, seriously, you name it, I've tried it.  Everything from the one where you eat 5 saltines, hot dogs, half a grapefruit, and ice cream...all the way to Phen-Fen, and everything (but gastric bypass) in between.

So why post about this?  Why now?  Because on Thursday, October 23rd, I received bad news from the doctor about my blood work.  Inflammation around my heart, elevated cholesterol, pre-diabetes, overworking kidneys, and on and on...yes, it scared the living daylights out of me.

Have I never been concerned about my health before?  Yes.  But for some reason, I've not been concerned ENOUGH.  Until now.

My husband, God love him, has been on me for 20 years to take care of myself.  Why didn't I listen?  I don't know.  Why do women turn a deaf ear to their husbands?  If you can answer that, you could probably make a million!

So, if you're still reading this, you will just have to know that this blog is going to be a DEAD HONEST blog about my inner heart struggle in this process.  If that's not something you're going to be interested in, well this is your chance to click that little "x" and close this window! :)  But, if you're like so many other women I know who have this love/hate relationship with food and are also struggling to win the battle over it, then WELCOME!  And please stay and comment and let me know you're out there, cheering me along, and coming on this journey to health with me!

I am going to using this "platform" to talk about the honest truth of what this means for me. 

Starting with this:
 my being overweight is a result of my SIN! 

"What did she just say?  Being overweight is a sin?" 

Well, not exactly, but for ME it is!  So many of the pounds I've put on are because of gluttony, because of idolatry, because of rebellion...which are all what?  SIN! 

So, how does food become an idol?  When it's the first thing I turn to when I need comfort, when I need a place to go because I'm stressed, when I'm sad, or lonely, or depressed...I went to the pantry when I should've been going to pick up  my Bible, or hitting my knees in prayer to God! 

What about rebellion?  Oh, yeah, that's a BIG one for me.  It goes like this, "Hey, you shouldn't eat that."  What?  I'm a grown woman, you can't tell me what to do!  I want it!  I deserve it!  I'm going to eat it and there's nothing you can do to stop me!!!

Sound familiar?  Or am I the only one that still acts like a stupid 14 year old girl?

Gluttony?  Oh, you know...you've had way more than enough to eat, but wait, there's still dessert.  Or there's more rolls, and they're SO GOOD, and you might not get another one until, oh, I don't know...TOMORROW?!  And then 20 minutes, and 4 rolls and 3 cookies later, you're in the bathroom with cramps thinking, "Why did I do this to myself?"  Absolutely NO CONTROL!

And so, enter the fine folks at my local medical establishment looking at me across the desk as they break the news to me that at age 45, I'm on the path to heart attack/stroke/diabetes/kidney failure, and suddenly all those "choices" I made come flashing before me like a bad 80's movie!

When did food become such an addiction?  When did I let it get so out of hand?  And why in the world did I think I could ever control this without God's help?

And so, very much like a drug addiction, I find myself having withdrawals from sugar and carbs, literally almost in TEARS because I want chocolate or donuts or McDonald's French fries!  Like those people that I've watched on T.V. go through what they call D.T.'s from alcohol or drugs, shaking, sick, headaches...yep, that's me this week!!! 

It's as if blinders have been taken off my eyes, and I'm finally seeing what a wretched person I've been over the last 20 years; how much I've abused my body.  And so I thank God for this.  Really, I do.  It has been His kindness to me to allow this "wake up call" to happen right now, while all the problems can be reversed and turned around to head in a healthier direction.

And today, I find myself going to His word while I eat my healthy breakfast; feasting on HIM and what He can provide, rather than mindlessly eating my way through the day.  And it's just the first steps of many new places that I'm certain He's going to take me on.

So, are you still with me?  I hope so!  I'm looking forward to walking this journey with friends, showing you the "real" me!  Thanks for the encouragement!