I've Misplaced My Anger

Today is "Good Friday," the day that the whole Christian world stops and remembers the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross of Calvary.  And that's what I'm doing...thinking about the sacrifice that Christ made for ME that day, and what am I doing with it?  How am I living out of that sacrifice?

Honestly?  I'm not living.  Well, I'm living, but not living well.  I've been living in ANGER for 2 months, and it's gotten me NO WHERE.

Last Sunday over lunch, I finally put a connection together that my husband said he had NEVER heard me make in 28 years of us being together.  And it was about my addiction to sugar.

So, here it is...the deep-down, go-to-the-bottom-of-my-heart truth:  Sugar is my DRUG!  That 'connection' I mentioned?  It is this:  I use sugar to alter my mood/mind.  I have to have sugar to deal with stressful situations because I can't face them in my "normal" state.

Isn't that what drugs and alcohol are?  People use them to escape reality, to enhance or change their mood, to influence their situation.

That's me and sugar. 

And as God has revealed that to me while I was cramming SIX Snickers Fun Size bars down my throat while on the way to the hospital one day, I became angry.  But it was misplaced anger.

I am not angry that I am sinning like this.

I'm not angry at the situation I'm in because of my out of control eating.

It doesn't make me angry that I've allowed this "thing" to be in charge of my life.

What makes me angry is that God is asking me to stop!

He is asking me to GIVE UP SUGAR, to walk away from all things processed and refined.

And I'm mad, not AT MY SIN, but at the fact that I'm NOT ALLOWED to continue in my sin.

Isn't that sick?  As a Christian woman who is looking at the sacrifice made on the cross for ME, I am still choosing to divert my eyes and walk away?!

He gave His LIFE!  And I can't give Him SUGAR?

I know that God has made me for more than this way I've been living, and I know that there is NO victory over this thing without the power of Christ and the indwelling Holy Spirit.

So, tonight I will be attending the Good Friday service at church.  And I'll be focusing on the sacrifice He made for me.  And I will take the bread as His body broken for me, and drink the wine of His blood shed for me.

And I will submit myself to HIS WILL; I will continue to use these last 2 days of this week to get my affairs in order to walk out the path He is outlining for me; and I will rejoice that I do not have to do this alone.

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you" (Romans 8:11)