Fighting Against Freedom

Today's sermon was so poignant for me..."Without the Shedding of Blood" was the title, based on the verses from Hebrews 9:15-22.

The final worship song was this one.  As we were standing there singing, I was given a vision of what's been going on in my life.

Every sin, EVERY SINGLE sin, was nailed to the cross of Christ.  Even my sin of overeating.  Christ's death on the cross secured the victory for me over this sin.  I have been given freedom, been set FREE from every piece of bondage that this sin would have over me. 

But I don't live like it.

I had the vision of being at the cross, climbing up a ladder with a pry bar, determined to remove my sin from the cross.  I'm covered in the blood of Christ that is flowing down from His body hanging on the Cross, which ironically gives me life, but I'm only bent on taking that sin down and continuing to carry it with me.

I have written about being scared of freedom before, in November.

And so I continue to live in fear; to have the audacity to say that the cross was not enough.  Christ's death and resurrection gave me everything, EVERTHING I need to live and walk in victory.  Yet I continue to refuse to believe it.

Why do we do this?  Why do I do this?  I haven't fully figured it out, but I do know that this is the "soft underbelly" of my life.  And the enemy knows this, and uses it to sidetrack me, to distract me, to trip me up, and keep me feeling down and discouraged and reverting back to old habits.

I don't want to live like this anymore. 

It isn't living. 

It's death; slow, painful, and unnecessary for a child of God.

Tears flowed. 

I repented.

Again.

And I am determined to seek the help of the Holy Spirit to make this change in my life.  To live like I have been set free! 


Life is offered.  Freedom has been granted.  Sin has been conquered.  And my victory is just waiting for me to step out and receive it.