Safe in Slavery?

I have been wrestling throughout the week with many demons.  And I think it has finally all culminated over the last 12 hours and I've spent time sorting through so many thoughts and feelings.

Which brings me to this post.

My addiction to food is a form of slavery, as is any addiction.  It becomes your master, dictating where you go, what you do, the choices you make, how you spend your money, your time, etc. 

Add to that the amount of years that you've been enslaved, and you have a recipe for disaster when you decide you want God's help to break free.

Which is where I've found myself this week as my resolve has waned, as I've dealt with discouragement, as I've not seen the numbers on the scales doing what I thought they should be doing, as I've felt my body literally BEG me to feed it sweets and junk.  And those old desires raise their heads and I can almost see scary, bony skeleton fingers creep out from the dark towards my ankles and wrists and grab hold to drag me back into old habits and poor choices!

And then the Lord reminded me of a vision He had given me one Sunday, a few years ago, and I awoke this morning to go digging through my old journals to find it.  As I read it, I thought, "This is exactly what I'm dealing with today!"  So I thought I'd share it here.

January 22, 2012
Singing "Chains are broken, shame has fallen, all my sins are gone"
"I had a vision of standing in a town square, having just been freed from slave chains, being given new garments to wear and having been granted my freedom.  It feels so great!  BUT, I start to walk out to the 'new life' by picking up the chains and draping them over my arms!  Why am I refusing freedom?  Why don't I leave the old life behind and walk in the freedom He offers?  I feel 'off balance' without the chains."

So, why do I long for "Egypt" when I've been promised Canaan?  I used to scoff at the Israelites as I would read how they were begging Moses to take them back where they had "leeks and garlic."  It never dawned on me until this week that they were willing to give up their freedom for FOOD!  It was the food they were missing in Egypt. 

Wow.  Can I relate, or what?

God has given me an opportunity to walk into a whole new world with Him, but I'm begging to go back into slavery.  I think it's mainly because of fear.

I know the parameters of my prison.  I can't see the boundaries of this new promised land.  There's a measure of security with my addiction.  New life is limitless and unknown and quite frankly, pretty scary. 

And in my fear, I foolishly ask for familiarity.  And would be willing to DIE in slavery rather than live in freedom.

So I sat and confessed this to my husband this morning, and have asked both he and God to forgive me.  And now have blogged about it, praying that it will encourage someone to know that we do not have to live in fear, in slavery, in bondage.

We have been purchased by the blood of Christ to be daughters and sons of the most high God! 

I, for one, want to live a life worthy of the title "Princess of God." 

And walking around dragging chains is not the way to do that!