Within that song is a line that says, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves..."
Wow! Did that hit me on Sunday morning. And it's been with me for the last 2 days. And is still with me.
Because that's where I've been... living in the past. For a while. At least the last 7-9 days.
I'm not sure what's going on, whether it's due to changes in our life with our son off in Basic Training, our youngest one recently turning 16, Joe's 47th birthday approaching, my parents facing health challenges due to aging, or what it is, but I've been stuck in the past and just wallowing around in a pile of regrets.
You know, all the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's" that you can think of.
The "if only's" and the "what if's" and those "I'd love to go back and..."
But guess what? You can't go back.
Yeah, LaDonna, you can't go back! I'm talking to myself a lot these days.
There really isn't anything I can do to change ANYTHING in the past. I can only go forward into the future, right?
But, you know what? That doesn't help me. Not right now, anyway. I've made so many mistakes, I'm just dying to be back in elementary school with a giant eraser and a benevolent teacher that says, "Sure, you can have a 'do-over.'"
There's only ONE thing that's keeping my head above the water in the cesspool right now, and that's the knowledge that I've been forgiven!
And while that is HUGE news, and something I'm SO very grateful for...I'm being totally honest and telling you that I'm struggling to hang onto that.
And so, in the midst of my struggle of regretting choices I've made in the past, what have I done? I've made more poor choices.
Like that small bag of M&M's that I had at the movies.
And that stupid Krispy Kreme fried pie that had 58g of carbs in it.
And that fast food meal I ate.
So, yeah. More poor choices. More regrets. More struggles.
Mentally, I know all the truths of Scripture. And I shouldn't be where I am right now.
But in reality, I feel like I am fighting off giants, and the giants are winning.
I'm bruised. I'm sore. I'm wounded.
Just an honest post from me. No pity needed. Just wanted to let you know that the struggle is real. Some days I win. Some days I don't.
I totally understand where you are coming from. Maybe not from the "dieting" standpoint, but I struggle with regrets!!!! Somedays are worse than others, just like you. And I know all the Scriptures, too!! I'm not pitying you, but just to let you know that I'm there with ya!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks! It certainly helps to know I'm not alone. :)
DeleteI am not sure if this will help or not, but as I read your post I couldn't help but think that we all have regrets. I think it is an awesome thought to stand on that you have been forgiven. But, remember - you are also still human. If we were perfect and had no regrets, no slip-ups, no uh-oh's, we would not need Christ. It is when we are bruised and battered that His grace will shine through the brightest.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Leah...I just keep wondering if I'll ever stop going back to making the same mistake, over and over?! I do believe that this has helped me see how DESPERATE I am for Christ and His sacrifice for me!!! So, that's a good thing, right? :)
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